Whitney Houston, R.I.P.
The toxicologist’s report prepared
to name the steadfast demon
that finally wrestled Whitney
to the ground.
Buses Are Like Women
To the crafty man,
buses are like women-
miss one and another
will always come along.
To the sneaky rider,
women are like buses,
leave yours, then board the one
that runs the faster route.
Janet Goes to Laos
Janet goes to Laos,
her folks are filled with dread,
but do you think they would suggest
she see Detroit instead?
A Match Made/”Indie” Movies
Roadie: Jimmy Testagros,
fired “roadie”,
returns to Queens and
reconnects with high school friend
who’s now married.
Young Adult: Mavis Gary,
unemployed children’s author,
returns to Minnesota town,
then pursues her high school love
with a wife and newborn kid.
Repertory theater managers
will schedule these features
in a future double bill.
Smarties viewers imagine scenarios
that unite these damaged souls.
What Happens in Toronto
A Mississippi mayor,
visiting Toronto,
gets outed by his
sex shop bill.
What happens in Vegas,
stays in Vegas.
What happens in Toronto…
goes viral.
Monkey in the Middle Class
This year, I really got the shaft,
all thanks to MF Global.
Soon, at work or at the mall,
I’ll meet an angry flash mob.
Let’s face it,
I’m a monkey in
the middle class.
The Loony Linguist
A student named Norman Everson
flunked his first-year French
and struggled with his Spanish.
He speaks fluent Klingon
and excels in Na’vi.
Meet the loony linguist,
articulate in gibberish.
Board of Health Closure
John’s favorite
gourmet grocery store
was shut down by
the Board of Health.
Relieved, John recalls
that he had bought
the Sunday Times
but next day,
simply threw it out-
uneaten.
A Photo Opportunity
The sparrow hovers
by the bedroom window-
close-up, face front,
fluttering its wings.
So this is why God
created cell phone cameras.
Dreyfuss/Dreyfus
When Richard Dreyfuss
was summarily dismissed
from the French army,
his epaulettes and brass buttons
were ripped off his uniform,
his ceremonial sword
was broken in two
and then he was transported
to Devil’s Island.
Whoops! That’s Alfred Dreyfus —
Richard’s a working actor.
Mind you, when he does retire,
he may be sent to Devil’s Island —
Assisted Living Facility.
Driving While Distracted
Eating, drinking,
texting, sexting —
all distract
today’s drivers.
Who gets pulled over
for reading a book?
The Eighties Activist and the Campus Smartass
“Did you know…”,
cried the campus activist
“…that the cafeteria’s microwave
and Cruise missile components
are produced by Litton Industries?”
“Does that mean…”
inquired the campus acitivist,
“…that if I turn this knob
to the max,
my submarine sandwich
flies to Moscow,
landing in President Brezhnev’s lap”?
